If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
