Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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