Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
