"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
