epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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