I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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