# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
