i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize