now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
