If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
