I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
