your parents love me but you hate me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
