Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
