dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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