the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
