You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
