My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
