it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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