If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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