3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were trust falling into bushes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
