do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
