Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
