So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
