you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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