I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
