Your tits are I can't wait for
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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