in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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