So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
