Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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