i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
