dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
