i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
