i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
how does that bad decision feel?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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