We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
