i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
