so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
