I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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