So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
