So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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