This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
