Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
