I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize