she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can I color on your dick again?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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