He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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