You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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