i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
