This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
