it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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