Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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