I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
