Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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