I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
