Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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