mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
