we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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