next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize