I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
