you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
now i know why i became what i already was.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
