Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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