You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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