I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
