The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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