got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
