I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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