4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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