Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
