Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize