i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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