i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize