All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize