ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
