He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
